Crack the code of trust for your business interactions, just like a hostage negotiator.
When it comes to business, success relies on numerous factors, chief among them being your ability to influence others to see things from your perspective. In high-stakes conversations that demand quick decisions in your favor, the ability to swiftly build trust requires finesse and expertise.
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chip Massey, co-author of Convince Me: High-Stakes Tactics to Get What You Want in Any Business Situation, reveals four essential techniques FBI hostage negotiators and special agents use to build trust — techniques you can apply to your everyday business interactions.
1. Reverse the Focus
The FBI had been looking for a dangerous fugitive for weeks when they received a tip about a phone number that likely belonged to him. Chip Massey was assigned to make the call.
Research shows Massey had about 15 to 20 seconds to get the fugitive — let’s call him Rob — to trust him. That meant understanding where Rob was emotionally. Would he flee? Did he have access to weapons? Would he be violent? Mustering all the empathy he could, Massey made the call.
“Rob, my name is Chip, I’m with the FBI, and I’m here to help.”
(Silence)
“Rob, how much does your life suck right now?”
After a long 10 seconds, Rob finally spoke. “What’s your name again?”
To bring Rob to this moment, Massey reversed the focus from his own concerns to the fugitive’s. By redirecting his own stress, Massey was able to reduce the pressure on Rob and earn his trust. In just 18 minutes, Massey created a bond with Rob that was so strong, Rob was willing to trust Massey with his life.
How does this relate to your professional life? Let’s say your supervisor calls you into her office. She is livid about an event she sees as your failure with a customer. While this is not a life-or-death hostage situation, your livelihood could depend on your response to her stress.
Instead of focusing on your own anxiety, assess where your supervisor is emotionally. She may still be in attack mode, but you can reverse the focus by saying something like, “This isn’t an ideal situation, but I believe we can turn this situation around together.” This will help you stay calm and analytical enough to find a solution.
2. Forensic Listening
When Massey was training as a hostage negotiator, he learned a de-escalation technique called active listening. The goal is to reassure the other person by making them feel heard and understood in the moment. While active listening is helpful in business, we don’t just live in the moment; we have multiple interactions with bosses and colleagues over time.
To gain someone’s trust in business, Massey recommends a technique he developed from active listening. He calls it forensic listening, the art of analyzing a conversation after the fact. Words and behaviors leave clues you can learn to decipher. Take notes after every significant interaction — even during a meeting, if you can do so discretely. Then, evaluate the interaction from four vantage points:
1. Emotions: What is the dominant emotion underlying the conversation? Anger? Sadness? Excitement? Note what the other person appears to be feeling.
2. Stories: When someone repeats something, it’s important to them — and therefore to you. Keep track of repeated stories, topics, and themes.
3. Body Positioning: How a person moves during a conversation tells you a lot. Their gestures, how animated they are, how much personal space they need, and whether they angle their body towards or away from you are all clues.
4. Speaking Voice: Note the pitch, tone, and cadence of their speech. Watch for enthusiasm, confidence, uncertainty, engagement, distraction, or boredom. Make a note of what they choose to emphasize and any changes in their delivery throughout the meeting.
Remember, no one does anything only once in business. There is always a pattern present. Massey says this technique allows you to uncover emotional patterns in business interactions.
To demonstrate your interest and insight into the people you meet, Massey recommends simply saying, “I was thinking about our last conversation.” This signifies that you listened, understood their concerns, and remembered their stories.
Paying attention to body positioning and voice (pitch, tone, and cadence) will give you a baseline for their behaviors. This baseline will serve you well in future meetings when these two types of physical expressions of emotion are present.
According to Massey, this four-step guide to meetings gives you three distinct advantages:
- The ability to validate people on a level that makes them feel seen, heard, and understood, which makes them trust you more.
- The ability to zone in on their concerns and develop solutions directly addressing their perspective to build instant rapport.
- The ability to navigate difficult situations with an emotional connection rarely seen in business.
3. Follow Through on Commitments Large and Small
When we enter any business relationship, we determine whether a person’s words will match their actions. Simply put, will they do what they say they will? Massey brings up this example from his FBI days: “If I tell a potential witness that I will meet them at 2:00 p.m. at a specific coffee shop and I stroll in 12 minutes late, they will form an initial opinion about me. How can they trust me to protect them if I can’t even be on time? If I’m late, they may even disappear for good.”
Honor your commitments. Be early and be true to your word. Everybody loves — and trusts — a straight shooter.
4. Be Worthy of Trust
Trust is essential to good work and business relationships, but you can’t take it for granted. It must be earned. Collaboration is about more than working well with others when times are good. When a bad situation happens, be there for others. If a colleague or employee feels threatened or humiliated, having someone say “I’ve got your back” means the world. Massey emphasizes that we need to be willing to share the burden and even the blame.
“You didn’t hear this from me but… just between us….” You may have heard a colleague say this, and it’s always a juicy introduction, but make sure you stay on the receiving end of the secret. When you disclose information someone trusted you with, you are eroding that person’s trust. Conversely, when people see that you keep their confidence, you build a reputation as trustworthy in business and life.
