It’s all about defusing tension.
According to Chip Massey, former FBI hostage negotiator and now partner of Convincing Co.
The first thing to get inside your mind: Facts will not work. I’ve seen very well-meaning people come “armed” (which is an interesting word, right?) with logic and science to go against red-hat wearers. That will never carry the day. Second: Don’t think that you’ll resolve anything, or that you’ll even discuss vaccines necessarily, over that meal.
But what you can do is begin the necessary prep work for future persuasion. In my work with the FBI, de-escalation was always the first step, followed by asking them a crucial question: “How did we get here today?” You’re defusing tension, making them feel heard and understood.
So at a holiday gathering, plan a collaborative activity, like a puzzle, or Legos, or prepping dinner. Then get people telling stories—about how they made big life decisions, about lessons from loved ones they never forgot. Personal stories, personal truths—that’s how you coax out their values. You allow people to build bridges to their better selves. You’ll return to those values to find common ground and make your case. You persuade them by reminding them of the trust you’ve built and the values you share.
