FBI hostage negotiators are masters at reading people in life-or-death situations. Now you can use this skill to your advantage in everyday situations.
The ability to read people is an essential skill for business success. Reading people with a certain level of accuracy and emotional intelligence provides important information that gives you an advantage in any interaction, from negotiating a contract or defusing a stressful situation to running a weekly one-to-one meeting. Unfortunately, most of us just aren’t as good at reading others as we’d like to think.
FBI hostage negotiators are masters at reading people in life-or-death situations. In a new book, former FBI hostage negotiator Chip Massey and crisis management expert Adele Gambardella explain a technique called the 22-second reading. In Convince Me: High-Stakes Negotiation Tactics to Get Results in Any Business Situation, Massey and Gambardella break down what to look for in every interaction to get an accurate read on someone so you can use this power to get that high-ranking promotion, well-deserved public recognition, and bigger, more lucrative business opportunities.
“Effectively reading people helps you understand them on a deeper level–which enhances your ability to convince them,” write Massey and Gambardella. They add that it starts with understanding the other person’s “unstated narrative,” which has two significant components in the other person’s mind. First is what they really think about you, your services, or your company versus what they will actually say to your face. Second is their vision of who they are and how they want to be perceived. So, how do you figure this out?
According to Massey and Gambardella, you can get a sense of someone’s energy and persona in just 22 seconds, if you pay attention to six things.
Your Style
Like it or not, we all judge someone based on appearance, consciously or subconsciously. So, let’s start with your physical appearance. Are people prejudging you because of your age? Your trendy, conservative, or liberal personal style? Do you appear cocky, controlling, or condescending? Or disorganized, hesitant, and easily intimidated? Is your ego showing? Are your questions revealing insecurity, impatience, or lack of knowledge?
Your Story
This is what Massey and Gambardella call your Unstated Narrative, your role in the interaction, your feelings, spoken and unspoken, toward the person you are interacting with, and how you wish to be perceived by them. This is the disconnect between what people believe and what they say.
Your State
What mood are you in? Are you under pressure to get specific results from this interaction? Are you distracted by other matters, such as having a sick child at home or getting ready to go on vacation? Think about how your state is impacting your counterpart.
Their Style
Is their style of dress casual? Formal? Artsy and eccentric? What is their body positioning like during the interaction? Is their communication style tentative, probing, overly verbose, or precise and to the point? How do they conduct themselves? Do they go along to get along? Are they defensive? Funny? Conciliatory? Confrontational?
Their Story
This is their unstated narrative, their role in the interaction, their feelings toward you, and how they want you to perceive them. You may sense an affinity or hostility toward you. When you are speaking, do they appear skeptical, distrustful, or distracted? Are they asking relevant questions, playing gotcha, or performing for the benefit of a higher-up in the room?
Their State
Do they appear open or resistant to change? Are they guarded? Do they seem more interested in getting a read on what their colleagues think than in forming their own opinion? Do you sense fear or a lack of sincerity? Are they trying to read you, and if so, how do they perceive your mood?
“To read people consistently and effectively, you must be willing to identify and listen to what they believe in, and desire and value most,” write Massey and Gambardella.
Whether you are negotiating a contract, trying to get a teenager to make good life choices, or persuading your spouse to buy a new car, understanding and being able to sympathize and empathize with someone’s position gives you the ultimate influence.
